The Illustrious Group

"Could I give you some coaching feedback?"

Have you ever been at a networking event and met a business or "life" coach? You start having a conversation and the proverbial question comes out of their mouth, "Could I give you some coaching feedback?" You reply silently in your head, "Oh boy, here we go." You politely acquiesce and say, "Sure." with knowing that a cold day in hell will appear before you get out of the situation without receiving this unsolicited feedback. They go on to tell you their pearls of wisdom.

(If you love coaching profession or mentoring [like I do] you know that we all learn when it is appropriate to open our mouths. Folks, in my early years, I was guilty of exercising the "May I give you some coaching feedback?" questioning too. No fingering pointing here. Bless my husband, mmm, mmm, mmm.)

In this industry, we are are just chomping at the bit for people to listen to what we have to say. We actually start giving our advice when it was never asked for because we're touted of being a "guru" or an "expert". We feel it is our duty to "help" people. Let's get something clear about the "guru" or "expert" marketing copy title. That's all it is. It's a job description. Same as retail store manager or lead dog groomer. Respect yourself enough to let your ego detach from the "guru" title. We simply are wise by the standards of those who are willing to listen. They decide, not us.

Here are some healthy habits I am forming to better serve my clients:

1) Let your clients, potential clients, and audience members (in one-on-one interaction) ask you questions FIRST.  Much to the contrary custom in the learning culture of the United States, it is the custom to be decided for us and force fed our learning. This does not encourage intelligence and growth. We learn by asking questions. That's why you'll hear more questions out of my mouth than answers. People think I'm naive and don't know anything. Just the opposite. Intelligence is about asking questions and seeking answers for ourselves for greater understanding of the human experience.   

2) Know that you have a huge responsibility as a coach/mentor to NEVER violate someone's trust by giving coaching when it wasn't sought. (I know, "But I was just trying to help." you say. Save helping energy for when they actually ask!) Under all circumstances, let THEM ASK you for feedback because you will never really know if you violate that boundary.

3) Let go of the tenacious craving for others to come beating down your door for advice or to buy your book, consulting or knowledge. Let it go. Drop it out the window. Wave at it as the persistent desire creeps up in your mind. You will be an audience magnet if you walk your walk and just "be". Just "be" that teacher you were meant to be. 

I speak from the heart in that we need to infuse our leading with loving kindness. Leave the space wide open for people to seek their own answers instead of force feeding them with unsolicited feedback.

Dealing with "hecklers" and bully energy.

I'd like to write a book about all the Zen insights I have derived from the old Bugs Bunny cartoons.

After dealing with a recent conflict in business, I feel like the little kitty in the beginning of this very poignant statement of how to deal with relationship adversity.  Watch the first minute of this cartoon (including the opening signature and credits) and let the presence and confidence of the kitty permeate your consciousness for all the "hecklers" in your audience.

Supplying love and sunshine to all that arises in our relationships.........Be the energy of love and all conflicts find a way of resolving themselves.

Waldorf Foundation for Higher Intelligence

       

        The Waldorf Foundation for Higher Intelligence is a community The Illustrious Group is building from seedlings on www.Facebook.com. Waldorf education was the brainchild from the study of anthroposophy by German literary scholar, Rudolph Steiner.

        Steiner quoted, "We want to produce individuals who are able, in and of themselves, to impart meaning to their lives." When we are engaged to develop a path on our own instead of having it laid before us, our true inner intelligences are revealed.

        Join us in the discussion to unlearn your vision of who you think you are and catapult yourself into  who you really are!

The Power of Nice

I came back from my first visit with a wonderful dentist, Dr. Tara Sexton, DMD of Main Line Smiles. Dr. Tara was a referral from my husband. She was featured on Philadelphia's NBC10 News about "needless" anesthetic over a year ago. Recently, I had been seeing another dentist in which I was completely dissatisfied with their "dentist chair manner". They were rude, antagonistic and self absorbed.

I walk into Main Line Smiles and right away,  Dr. Tara  extends her hand for a handshake and says, "Hi, I'm Tara Sexton. Welcome, welcome!" She had such enthusiasm and warm connection to her presence. I knew I was in the right place. I knew right then she was going to care about MY TEETH, not her bottom line.

The assistants cared about me as they talked to me and wanted to know what my previous experience was. They were focused on my happiness. They could tell intuitively when I was uncomfortable and they took notes upon their observances. They were focused my experience and my well being--not chit chatting about what they did over the weekend while they carelessly jammed five tools including a saliva vacuum in my tiny mouth. They know what The Power of Nice is all about.

To top the whole incredible experience off, Dr. Tara asked me if I had any concerns about my teeth. I expressed to her my larger front teeth have always been a vulnerable spot for me and I'd like the front tips evened out with my other teeth. She emphatically responded, "Let's shave them down little by little and see what you think." Dr. Tara gingerly moves in with the drill and shaves the teeth down. Each pass she made, I became more and more grateful until we reached a point where my smile was perfect! I now have even beautiful teeth. To boot, it was my first VISIT!!!!! Dentists & doctors are notorious for nickel and diming you so you have to endlessly see them. She was spontaneous, creative and most of all, present with her clients.

When I came out, their was a mature couple waiting for her to help them. Dr. Tara was out at the front desk talking with them as if they were family. Lively looking at family photos and chatting about their lives. Dr. Tara is interested in the lives, well being and confidence of her clients. She makes herself emotionally accessible.

I learned a positive lesson about The Power of Nice. Dentistry nowadays is definitely an investment. Invest in dentists who care about you. When they genuinely care about their clients, their bottom line grows and you are grateful to see them succeed.

Needless to say, "I'm all smiles!"

Are you passive about people?

If you are, you won't get anywhere as a thought leader. Do you just communicate enough not to show your true feelings to someone? We communicate and focus with the watered down version of our soul.

So many of us are afraid to say or do who we really are because we fear we'll be perceived negatively.

When you speak to your audience members after a keynote, do you:

• Look right into their eyes if you were peering into their soul
• Shake their hand warmly with two hands
• Stand by the door as they leave saying good bye
• Take the moment to hear them speak about their life instead of worrying about YOUR book sales

When you give your keynote, do you take a moment to genuine and authentically thank them for being there to support you?

Authenticity is an energy that can be spotted a mile away. Be alive and have presence for your audience. Be present, like an actor performing his/her craft.

Playfulness.....do you play enough?

Life gets super serious at times. Do you take time to be playful? Studies suggest that if you laugh, you'll release endorphins in your brain, give your inner organs a gentle massage and put a smile on your face. If your team is happier to come to work, it will improve productivity, profitability and clarity. When we're willing to laugh at ourselves, we see a new part of ourselves every time.

I find myself laughing constantly while doing the work I do. It's because I have such awesome clients, vendors, and partners in business that make me come back, moment after moment, day after day driving me forward in my business. Always remember......Laugh bravely, play joyfully because this life, it's short, it can be sweet.......just open yourself to the sweetness.

From connecting with old friends on Facebook, it brought back memories (from 5 years old and on) of a young man I had a "crush" on because he reminded me of the pure joy of laughter. (At my age, some people find it immature to talk about crushes. We all have people in our lives we intensely enjoy. Let yourself feel their spirit to the fullest. Let their spirit touch you, stimulate you to live your life fully ALIVE!)

Play like it's your first day discovering a new world!

I just signed on with Facebook. Too cool!

Jenny Shoeman of LifeAct International had asked me about it awhile ago and I just let it pass because other things piled on my to do list. Then a couple weeks ago Michael Port sent an email to his Think Big Revolution community about Facebook (I'm a member).  I didn't listen then either. I was too busy! Then I was researching something via Google today and I stumbled  upon yet again. This time I took the advice of my friends. I'm glad I did. What a cool little portal! I think it's an extremely professional yet relaxed atmosphere. I believe it puts myspace.com in "outerspace". I had a blast reading through all my friends profiles. Laughing at their goofy pictures and neat comments, friends, etc.

Here is my Facebook badge:

Look me up and be my friend. It's incredible way to connect with others and it's an awesome viral marketing method. Have fun!

Meet Up, a great little service for any presenter.

I was inspired by Scott Heiferman, the CEO/Founder of MeetUp.com and his story of how he started Meetup.com.  Watch his video about the reason why he started it.

Cool, huh?

Learn about features vs. benefits from QVC!

Features vs. benefits: the on-going marketing connundrum.

Many of us market ourselves, our services, products, etc. from the features perspective. That doesn't excite people too much.

What is the difference between a feature and a benefit? Do your homework!

I used to work for the QVC Network. Where ever we were in the company, there always was a monitor on featuring the channel. All day, everyday I received a lesson in comparing features and benefits of a product. I recommend you tune into Lisa Robertson or Rick Domeier and listen to their dialogue. I learned so much from a marketing perspective when I did. 

Then ask yourself these questions about your seminar: What are the end results after attending your seminar? What will your audience be able to do better than they ever have before? How will they feel after mastering the techniques you've taught? That's marketing from the benefits perspective. The end result is always in mind!

A book of questions.

A dear friend and my marketing director, Kellyloren Metzger bought me a book of questions I could ask myself to stimulate creativity. On one of the chapter pages, there's a quote by Voltaire,

                    "Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers."

I found this quote to be so interesting. I have always been a better interviewer than an interviewee. I am learning quite fast how to answer questions that do justice to the listener.

Here's a tip: Most of us, when were asked questions, we tense up our whole body because we feel the pressure of performance. It's our natural response to be defensive. Relax and trust yourself you'll answer adequately. If you make a mistake, just clearly back track and state your idea with emphasis.